Managing conflict is one of the most difficult things to do in a relationship. Most people don’t know how to fight well, and there is a lot more to conflict resolution than simply ‘winning’ the argument. It is not normal to fight well! So if you want to work through conflict in a healthy way, you and your partner have to behave abnormally. This month, we are going to focus on Conflict Resolution CPR, an exercise that if practiced can save your relationship.
Communication
The C in Conflict Resolution CPR stands for “Communication.” What is communication exactly? Put simply, it is the process of getting a message from one person to another as intact as possible.
It is the communicator’s job to get their message across. As the communicator, you need to be aware of the a few things. 1) Is the timing right? 2) Is it necessary? and 3) Is it any of my business? If you answer no to any of those questions, back off! If you decide that the issue needs to be discussed, then consider the state of your reservoir and if you have the emotional capacity to work through the issue.
THE BFW
Effective and clear communication can be broken down into three simple parts. Identify the specific behavior. Then identify how the specific behavior made you feel and why you feel the way that you do. The why is significant because it gives the communicator the opportunity to explain the meaning they assigned to the behavior! You can’t argue with a feeling, and you are not assigning blame but rather expressing your perception of the behavior.
BEHAVIOR
FEELING
WHY
Protect and Preserve attachment
The P stands for “Protect and Preserve Attachment.” This is of the utmost importance, even in the midst of an argument. Remember, attachment moments occur when we are emotionally disorganized or vulnerable; this means that a conflict moment is also an attachment moment!
In order to protect and preserve the attachment and maintain a secure base for your partner, you need to affirm their worth to you. This isn’t always easy to do, especially when emotions are raw, but you need to be very clear that this is about the issue, not about you not mattering to me or not being safe with me. Audibly express this! By doing so, you are creating the positive attachment moment the brain is looking for.
TMS HIGHTLIGHT
When you struggle with depression, it can often feel like happiness is just out of reach. At TMS Success, we want you to know that you can find joy again, you can be you again!
UPCOMING EVENTS
We are going to continue to discuss conflict resolution throughout the month of August! You can follow us on instagram @become.healthyandhappy for daily insights.
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