Attachment
Attachment Theory is a theory of human relationships that seeks to explain how the close or intimate relationships in our lives work.
Put simply, attachment is about what happens when we are emotionally disorganized.
And what do we need when we are emotionally disorganized? A safe place to turn–or in this case- a secure base.
Toddlers are a really great example of what it looks like to have a secure base. Say you’re out and about…your toddler will likely stay close to you at first but then run ahead a little ways to explore. They quickly return–only to run ahead a little further the next time!
They instinctively believe that they are safe when they are with you and that you’ll always be there for them when they turn to run back to you! Toddlers have HEALTHY Attachment…it’s not until we get older that our Attachment can get screwed up.
Two Human Needs
So what do we look for in a secure base? Two basic things:
-Availability
-Responsiveness
Our secure base needs to be there for us when we need them, and we also need to trust that when we need them they will respond to us with kindness, compassion, and sensitivity.
These two essential human needs help us to feel safe and know that we matter.
So What?
Unfortunately, childhood experiences, relationship trauma or negative self esteem can all damage our Attachment and lead to unhealthy attachment styles.
This means that you can feel unsafe or alone even when you DO have a secure base…or you can even expect a higher level of safety and security than what you actually receive.
The bottom line is that Attachment is–in my opinion–the most important element of having a healthy relationship. When our Attachment style isn’t healthy, you’re not likely to have a healthy relationship.
Fortunately, we can heal from past trauma and cultivate a healthy Attachment style!
How?
By signing up for the Healthy+Happy Program! Start taking the necessary steps today to have the closeness, connection, and safety you’ve longed for.