This month we are focusing on helping you with Resource Management, and this week is specifically about relationship fillers! Check out the blog posts from the last couple of weeks to get some background info on the reservoir and on personal fillers.
The key to Resource Management is about learning how to run our lives so we have enough emotional resources to deal with the stressors and drains we experience. For a BRIEF recap, we all have a reservoir of emotional resources/energy that we function on. This reservoir gets drained by stressful/upsetting things, as well as everyday things that require our energy and resources. It can be filled by energizing/enjoyable things (called fillers).
The Relationship Reservoir
Just like we have our individual reservoirs of energy and emotional resources, we have relationship reservoirs. Any time there is a relationship between two people, there’s a relationship reservoir. The relationship reservoir is filled from the individual reservoirs of the people in the relationship. Anyone who has meaningful relationships with others can recognize that relationships take energy (but they are so worth it)!
Just like individual reservoirs, relationship reservoirs have drains. These could be disagreements/conflict, illness, parenting, financial concerns, etc. Some of these drains will be fixable, some won’t be. For example, a conflict can be resolved, but a chronic illness cannot be.
That’s why it’s important that both people actively seek to fill the relationship reservoir.
A great way to fill the relationship reservoir is through relationship fillers. Relationship fillers are things that both people enjoy that you do together (positive shattered experiences). It is NOT your spouse going along with something you like. For example, it would not be a relationship filler for my wife to come mountain biking with me, which is something I love that she has no interest in. It IS a filler for my wife and I to go grab lunch together, or to go on a hike, which we both enjoy.
My daughter and her husband have started planning a relationship filler for every day since they noticed increased drains due to the pandemic. That is a GREAT way to intentionally keep the relationship reservoir full! (And to have fun 🙂
In My Life
When our Marital Reservoir is suckn’ mud, almost everything becomes an annoyance; me coming home late, my bike rides being too long, her talking to one of our kids while she and I are trying to have a conversation on the phone, even her doing really good things like helping at the kids’ school. These, and many other things become “problematic” when we both aren’t feeling good about our relationship. On the other hand, when our reservoir is full, none of these things even register. They literally are barely noticed, if at all (even though those exact same things may be going on). That is the power of taking care of the relationship reservoir. Just depositing more than is drained, takes care of many, many issues in relationships.
My next class starts SEPTEMBER 30TH! You can learn all about resource management and so much more! Sign up here–we’re doing a limited time 30% discount! I’ve started a podcast! Watch here or listen here or look up “Become Healthy and Happy with Dr. Slade” anywhere you listen to podcasts (except Apple Podcasts). If you’d be interested in being a guest, fill out this form! I’ve just come out with the next version of my CORE assessment! Click here to find out what type you are! I am also working on a book about CORE that will be the most in-depth examination of the different types and how to work with ourselves and with each other. To stay in the loop, sign up for my newsletter!