Have you ever jumped into a conversation and thought…‘Did I miss something?’
You try to put the pieces together and understand what they are talking about, but you realize that you are missing some foundational detail of what is being discussed.
And it’s keeping you from understanding what’s going on.
In some settings, it can feel appropriate to ask for clarification…but in others, we often take the ‘fake it ’till you make it’ stance and try to put the pieces together on our own. The reasons for this vary.
Maybe you don’t want to derail the conversation.
You might be embarrassed.
You might not want to ask because you assume that you’ll be able to figure it out.
But in any case, if you do not ask specifically for that ‘missing piece,’ some of the meaning is lost.
The CORE Approach
When we try to communicate with others without understanding them, it’s a lot like jumping into the middle of a conversation and not asking to be ‘filled in.’
That is why CORE is such a remarkable resource for good, effective communication. CORE provides you with that missing piece. It fills you in on the background information.
It helps you to understand what motivates the people around– the deeper meaning in their actions and communication. And it does the same for you!
Here’s an example. Say you’re an R* who is married to an E*.
You begin an important discussion about…let’s say buying a house.
You both have different thoughts and opinions on the subject and believe your own opinions to be the most correct. You (the R) are quick to share your opinions and want to reach a resolution and come up with a plan to buy a home in the most efficient way possible.
But when it’s your spouse’s (the E) turn to share, they begin to share their well-formed and detailed opinion….only to be cut off by you half way through.
A massive argument ensues. You don’t understand because you only took one minute to share your thoughts and your spouse had been talking for at least 10 when you cut them off. What do they mean you didn’t listen?!
CORE helps us to understand what it feels like to be in the other persons shoes.
As an R, you just want to reach a resolution and will share your thoughts the moment they come into your head. But an E takes more time to come up with a plan that has (in their mind) virtually no flaws. It is detailed. And when they share their opinion, they want you to listen–really listen–because they hate feeling stupid or undervalued for what they have to say.
Without the understanding that CORE provides, you don’t know these things…so miscommunications are frequent. You always feel like you missed something.
If you want to fill in the missing pieces, the solution is simple. But it does requires your time and effort!
To learn more about CORE, click the link below!
*What is an R? What does it mean to be an E? Take our CORE Temperament Assessment to find out!